Welcome to....

Sunday 19 March 2006

spring ..
my 8 year old
offers me a cup of tea

J. Andrew Lockhart said...: I really like this one!; 19 March 2006 at 21:51
Aurora said...: So sweetly transcribed.:); 20 March 2006 at 00:17
polona said...: so sweet!
thanks for visiting my blog.; 21 March 2006 at 10:00
Eric said...: :); 22 March 2006 at 05:26
Trena said...: so refreshing! thank you; 23 March 2006 at 14:18
Little Onion said...: Hi Sangeet,

Isn't it great when the children bring tea? Especially the first time - walking with small careful steps so as not to spill their precious gift. Maybe you'll get toast too this coming Sunday!

On reading the haiku out aloud a couple of times I was wondering if 'offers me' might work well on the end of line two leaving 'a cup of tea' on line three - it provides a 'reveal'in the last line and for me works better beatwise too:

spring ..
my 8 year old offers me
a cup of tea

it works well as a one line haiku and that for me is the test for haiku - if you can write them out on one line with no punctuation and still find the cut its usually a winner!

Little Onion; 24 March 2006 at 10:35
sangeet said...: Thanks for your input little onion!
I like your suggestion. Both versions work for me.

In many ways, I didn't want to give anything away in the second line - hence the long third line :)

However rhythmically, your suggestion works well:

spring ..
my 8 year old offers me
a cup of tea

Thank you! :)

Sangeet; 24 March 2006 at 19:02
sangeet said...: Thanks vis-a`-vis!

Sangeet; 24 March 2006 at 23:53

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