I really like this one!
So sweetly transcribed.:)
so sweet!thanks for visiting my blog.
so refreshing! thank you
Hi Sangeet,Isn't it great when the children bring tea? Especially the first time - walking with small careful steps so as not to spill their precious gift. Maybe you'll get toast too this coming Sunday!On reading the haiku out aloud a couple of times I was wondering if 'offers me' might work well on the end of line two leaving 'a cup of tea' on line three - it provides a 'reveal'in the last line and for me works better beatwise too:spring ..my 8 year old offers mea cup of teait works well as a one line haiku and that for me is the test for haiku - if you can write them out on one line with no punctuation and still find the cut its usually a winner!Little Onion
Thanks for your input little onion!I like your suggestion. Both versions work for me.In many ways, I didn't want to give anything away in the second line - hence the long third line :)However rhythmically, your suggestion works well:spring ..my 8 year old offers mea cup of teaThank you! :)Sangeet
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