Sunday 19 March 2006

spring ..
my 8 year old
offers me a cup of tea


J. Andrew Lockhart said...

I really like this one!

Aurora said...

So sweetly transcribed.:)

polona said...

so sweet!
thanks for visiting my blog.

Eric said...


Trena said...

so refreshing! thank you

Little Onion said...

Hi Sangeet,

Isn't it great when the children bring tea? Especially the first time - walking with small careful steps so as not to spill their precious gift. Maybe you'll get toast too this coming Sunday!

On reading the haiku out aloud a couple of times I was wondering if 'offers me' might work well on the end of line two leaving 'a cup of tea' on line three - it provides a 'reveal'in the last line and for me works better beatwise too:

spring ..
my 8 year old offers me
a cup of tea

it works well as a one line haiku and that for me is the test for haiku - if you can write them out on one line with no punctuation and still find the cut its usually a winner!

Little Onion

sangeet said...

Thanks for your input little onion!
I like your suggestion. Both versions work for me.

In many ways, I didn't want to give anything away in the second line - hence the long third line :)

However rhythmically, your suggestion works well:

spring ..
my 8 year old offers me
a cup of tea

Thank you! :)


sangeet said...

Thanks vis-a`-vis!