This is my first Haiku blog (as opposed to web site) and its an attempt to start writing again... You can also visit my old website: Sangeet's Haiku and Poetry Corner now located on
spring ..
my 8 year old
offers me a cup of tea
my 8 year old
offers me a cup of tea
Sunday, March 19, 2006
About Me
-
- Name:Sangeet
- Location:Wales, United Kingdom
I encountered my first Haiku about 20 years ago. However it was not until Dec 1995 that I was fortunate enough to find the Shiki Haiku Mailing List and this is where my real learning and writing began! ......more
- Some Haiku Sites -
- Many more on my Haiku and Poetry
- Corner here
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- Summer 06 Haiku Blog
- UKKU Spring 06 Haiku Blog
- Paul Mena's Haiku Poet
- Haiku Workshop
- Eric Houck' Haiku
- Morden Haiku Poetry
- Haiku Soup
- It's Baxter
- Reflekshin
- Dagosan's Haiku Diary
- The Plenitude of Emptiness
- coffeeteaandhaiku
- Past Tense
- Haiku and Tanka Unchained
- Laryalee's Falling Leaves
- Skin after Skin
- Polona's Haiku
- Wakakusa
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- Art, Poetry and Photography Links
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- deep in thought my eyes suddenly notice the Buddha...
- spring rain my son and I watch a starling gatherin...
- snow again the shrunken skin of the forgotten aube...
- juggling with knives he smiles at me (Cardiff, De...
- wilting tulips before I discard them I admire...
- all the fancy salons he chooses the backstreet bar...
- high on the ferris wheel my camera captures a mom...
- first day at work not wanting to step on the prist...
- some snow resting a while on my worn wooden chime...
- sun, hailstones, snow, sun his face peering throug...
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9 Comments:
I really like this one!
So sweetly transcribed.:)
Heartwarming! Hard to do in haiku.
so sweet!
thanks for visiting my blog.
:)
so refreshing! thank you
Hi Sangeet,
Isn't it great when the children bring tea? Especially the first time - walking with small careful steps so as not to spill their precious gift. Maybe you'll get toast too this coming Sunday!
On reading the haiku out aloud a couple of times I was wondering if 'offers me' might work well on the end of line two leaving 'a cup of tea' on line three - it provides a 'reveal'in the last line and for me works better beatwise too:
spring ..
my 8 year old offers me
a cup of tea
it works well as a one line haiku and that for me is the test for haiku - if you can write them out on one line with no punctuation and still find the cut its usually a winner!
Little Onion
Thanks for your input little onion!
I like your suggestion. Both versions work for me.
In many ways, I didn't want to give anything away in the second line - hence the long third line :)
However rhythmically, your suggestion works well:
spring ..
my 8 year old offers me
a cup of tea
Thank you! :)
Sangeet
Thanks vis-a`-vis!
Sangeet
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